Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
