If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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