Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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