I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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