Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
