sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
