In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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