My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
