all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
