i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
