man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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