would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Boobs are out for the taking
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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