I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is the high leading the old right now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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