they need to just BURY HIM!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
