I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
