Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
