i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I AM VODKA MAN
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
