moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
