i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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