Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
