We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
