god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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