Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
