i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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