The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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