i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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