life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
