I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
