Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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