All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
