Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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