is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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