Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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