tell your sister to shave her snatch
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
