Sponge bath it is.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
