Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
