So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
