My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
