fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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