She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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