he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
