you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
