I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
