he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
