Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
