Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
