i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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