You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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