I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
