I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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