I molested 6 butterflies tonight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
