I just pynch a tree in the face
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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