I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
