Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
