I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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