I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
