Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
